So Inadequate

This morning at about 9 AM I got an unexpected phone call from the executive secretary in my ward asking if I could come in and meet with the Bishop at 9:45 and I agreed. I knew that this meant I was getting a new calling, which surprised me because I just spoke with the Bishop last Sunday and he said he was planning on keeping me in my current calling (as Sunday School Secretary) for at least a little bit longer before he gave me a new calling.

Long story short, I got called as a Gospel Doctrine Instructor--a calling that scares me. I would have preferred ANY calling over this--including Relief Society President. I think one of the many reasons it terrifies me is because I feel like I barely understand the New Testament and now I am expected to teach it to others. I feel so inadequate. My knowledge of the Gospel is so limited. I have a testimony that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true, of that I have no doubt, but I don't know everything. It's not that I don't have the desire to learn more about the doctrine or life of Jesus Christ, but I came to realize many years ago that I didn't need to know everything to know that the Gospel was true and that Christ lived and died for me. It doesn't phase my testimony when others have concerns about certain points of confusing doctrine and even if I am confused about something or I just don't understand completely, I can't ignore the confirmations that I've had that this is the true Gospel of Jesus Christ and with that I've realized that all things will be made known if not in this life than in the life to come. But despite all that, I feel I don't know nearly enough to be placed in a situation where I am expected to help others learn.

Even though I feel this calling is beyond my capabilities I accepted. I made a decision a while back that no matter my personal feelings on the matter, I would accept any calling offered to me... and this decision was definitely tested this morning. I wanted to say "No thanks" or "I'd rather not" but somehow I was able to overcome that temptation. I guess that this is proof that Heavenly Father knows exactly how to help us stretch our strength and to help us grow.